A Human’s Guide to Surviving Magical Mishaps by Kit Bryan

Ashton follows me down the hall to my room. I shut the door behind us, sit on the bed and pat the blanket beside me for Ashton to join me.

"First, I want you to know I am done fighting with you. I don't want this conversation to be an argument." I say firmly. Ashton sits up straighter and angles himself to face me more. He takes my hand gently.

"I do not want to fight with you either. I never did." He assures me. I nod, but I also pull my hand away and tuck my hands together in my lap. Ashton's smile falls from his face.

"Oh, I thought that maybe... Nevermind. I am just glad that you are not hiding in your room and avoiding me anymore. I missed seeing you this morning." He says sweetly. Why can't everything just be easy? I can't trust him completely anymore, I can't even trust myself and It completely sucks. I sigh.

"You don't have to do that you know, be nice and try to make me like you. I already know that we're stuck together. You don't have to try to convince me to stick around." I point out. Ashton jerks back and stares at me with a furrowed brow. "Is that what you think I am doing? Trying to trick you? You already know I cannot lie, what could I have said that I did not mean? I am... Confused." He admits.

"I just mean that I've accepted our situation, I just haven't figured out what to do about it. But I'm not going to just ditch you. So instead of telling me what you think I want to hear, why don't you just tell me what it is that you really want from me?" I insist. Ashton still seems confused. Does he really not see where I'm coming from? And if it hasn't occurred to him that I might be worried about him using my feelings to manipulate me, does that mean it never occurred to him to do so? Then again, it doesn't have to be something he was doing intentionally. He could mean everything he said and still be taking my feelings for granted.

"I want you to stay with me, I want you to be happy." He says clearly. Huh... So he DOES want me around, and he does care if I'm happy. But once again he hasn't said anything about his own feelings.

"You assume that staying with you would make me happy." I point out and he frowns.

"Well... Yes? You did say that you love me after all. I assumed that would mean that you would want to stay together. I thought that you liked my home, and we could come back here to visit regularly. If that truly would not make you happy then I can stay here with you, as I said last night." He offers again. Does he really not understand how insane that is? If I think about this rationally, we both have families at home, we both have friends. What I don't have is any kind of real or important responsibility here, where he is meant to literally become king of the fae. Clearly it is more important for him to live in his realm. But I can't think of anything more miserable than moving to the fae realm and being the pathetic human girl who is desperately in love with him but has no real place there. I would be cut off from my friends and my dad and I would be completely dependent on a guy that I am fairly sure likes me but doesn't actually love me. Does he not see how terrifying that would be? And somehow making him stay here would be worse because I love him and I would be ruining HIS life. Ugh, I was hoping asking him what he really wants would help clear things up for me but it hasn't. Not at all.

I take a deep breath and force myself to relax. Without noticing I've been digging my nails into my own hands and now I have little moon shaped claw marks all over the backs of my hands. I release my hands and rest them awkwardly on the blankets beside me.

"Look. We don't have to figure it out now. There's no rush is there? No deadline we need to figure this out by? The point of this conversation was mostly just to confirm that we are on the same page about where we are at. I don't want us to be angry at each other anymore. I'm not mad at you." I promise. Ashton nods.

"I was never angry with you." He says sincerely. I raise an eyebrow.

"Really? Even though you're basically stuck with me now... That's something you didn't sign up for." I point out. Ashton raises an eyebrow.

"You make it sound like being stuck with you is something unpleasant. I promise it is not." He says with a smile. I melt a little. Damn him for being sweet. It makes it really hard to keep my distance. Ashton seems to feel similarly because he slides a little closer to me on the bed and leans in a little. I shift back and he responds by doing the same, his smile seems frozen in place.

"I feel that I should ask... You said that you are not angry with me anymore... But you did not say if you still love me?" His voice tilts up making it a question. I blush red but give a small nod.

"Yes. I still love you." I say almost reluctantly. There is a slight pause where I wait, hoping that he will answer that he loves me back. But he doesn't.

"I am... Relieved that you still care. I am pleased that we are not fighting anymore. I know our situation is not ideal, but we can figure it out." He leans towards me again. He is clearly about to kiss me. I almost let him but at the last second I stop him with a hand on his chest.

"I think that maybe... This isn't a good idea." I say slowly. Ashton lets me push him back but he doesn't move away entirely.

"Why not? We are together. I am not going to leave you again. We are not fighting anymore." He waits for me to answer. I sigh.

"I just think that while we might not be fighting, we shouldn't be together like this. Not until we figure everything out. We need to make a plan that works for both of us and figure out exactly what we want this relationship to be. I'm... Confused." I admit. Ashton moves further back and sighs.

"I do not understand. You love me, why can I not kiss you?" he questions. I shrug.

"Because that isn't the only thing that matters. For now, let's just focus on dealing with the assassin and we can work out the rest later." Desperate to end the conversation before I change my mind and throw myself at him, I check my phone. To my relief there is a notification saying dinner will arrive any minute now.

"Food's almost here. We should go eat." I announce, hopping off the bed. Ashton doesn't seem thrilled. But he accepts my answer and we head out to the living room. We eat and then go to bed. I thought that I would feel better after making peace with Ashton, but I toss and turn all night because all I can think is how I wish he was here with me.